I Wish I Was Stronger
There are a dozen plus one million things on my mind. But I can only think of a singular thing I want to write about. The person I wanted and want to be. Growing up I craved glamour and an easy life. HA! Easy life. Biggest joke that still stands. And it's a funny, sarcastic, evil little joke all around because even for the rich and glamorously famous, life is rarely ever easy. Money doesn't make life easy. Fame certainly does not lend indulgent living. In fact, I'm pretty sure fame and money complicate the ease we expect from life.
However, I've recently just wish I was less emotional, less sensitive, and more intimidating. More straight forward. I am inherently nice...too nice. I wish I was stronger. It hurts to care so much and it mean nothing. I thought my walls were more fortified. I have no idea how walls should be built because I'm always ready to take them down before they reach any real significant height. It hurts to give so much of my energy to people who wouldn't think twice about robbing it from me if I weren't so damn generous.
I wish I was stronger. I wish I didn't meet people with their no exceptions. Dodging the truth of the matter. I had no real place in your world. But I set an extra plate at my table for you. You with all your fancy words and pet names. You will never know the injustice you've done to me.
I wish I was stronger. Strong enough to hold these pathetic tears in; but if I did I'd choke either way on the pain I' swallowing.
I wish I was stronger but I can't. So I've given up. I've spent too much energy caring and if I keep going, I will expire by despair if not by my own hands.
However, I've recently just wish I was less emotional, less sensitive, and more intimidating. More straight forward. I am inherently nice...too nice. I wish I was stronger. It hurts to care so much and it mean nothing. I thought my walls were more fortified. I have no idea how walls should be built because I'm always ready to take them down before they reach any real significant height. It hurts to give so much of my energy to people who wouldn't think twice about robbing it from me if I weren't so damn generous.
I wish I was stronger. I wish I didn't meet people with their no exceptions. Dodging the truth of the matter. I had no real place in your world. But I set an extra plate at my table for you. You with all your fancy words and pet names. You will never know the injustice you've done to me.
I wish I was stronger. Strong enough to hold these pathetic tears in; but if I did I'd choke either way on the pain I' swallowing.
I wish I was stronger but I can't. So I've given up. I've spent too much energy caring and if I keep going, I will expire by despair if not by my own hands.
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